Needing advice...

[Casey Kieran]

Hi all,

Well this is a really strange one and I just don't know what to do so... Recently a person in the U.K. contacted me through facebook and asked if I would take him into my home and change him into a woman. Ya, I know - there's all sorts of creepy weirdo's on the internet. Thing is, he just doesn't seem like one of them. My guess is that he has a developmental disability. I used to spend a lot of time with developmentally disabled people so I am familiar with that.

He has difficulty forming coherent sentences and I don't know if he is comprehending the messages I have been writing to him. He confessed that he feels like a woman trapped in a man's body and I have repeatedly encouraged him to talk to his doctor about it. I wanted to point him to resources (trans groups or whatever) in his area (Liverpool) but I haven't had a lot of time to search the net for those and haven't yet found anything.

I could just block the guy and be done with it but it's not in my nature to turn away from somebody who reaches out to me for help. Despite my repeatedly and clearly telling him that he will never live with me and I can't 'change him into a woman', he continues to talk about that. He has also now taken my name and incorporated it into his (in our private communications). I explained to him that I don't find that flattering and, while he is free to choose whatever name he wants, I chose my name for deeply personal reasons that he will never know. It's as though he's trying to take something away from me and I won't let that happen but it is discomforting.

So I'm not sure what to do. I have more than enough of my own problems to deal with and I can't really afford the time for this. Any suggestions?

P.S. I will be away for the next day or two and won't have access to the net during that time.

[Phoenix]

Casey, Phoenix here.

why would someone in the U.K. need you when London is no doubt a place full of trannies and likely has trans resources?
Why do YOU need someone in the UK to send you these disconcerting messages?

Whether intentionally or not this character is creeping you out.
It's up to you what you do. I know what I would do...

Phoenix

[Casey Kieran]

Thanks for your quick response Phoenix! I did anticipate this advice since I think that's what 99.9% would do. However, having been involved in dd person's lives, I also know how they are shunned, disregarded, and ignored by 99.9% of the population. I suspect that the individual may have tried to reach out to others in the past who have likely slammed the door on him. As well, I know (as do we all) how difficult it is to struggle with gender dysphoric feelings and we're all high-functioning .. so I can't imagine how hard it would be for a dd person.

I certainly can't help anybody else if I don't take care of myself. So I am ready to pull the plug at any moment but, as I said, it pains my heart to pull away from somebody - especially if he's dd. I have implored him to see a doctor about it and explained that we cannot continue if he does not.

Oh and, while it is pretty freakin creepy about wanting to live with me, taking my name, etc. I'm not creeped by that. DD people often get far out ideas. It's not disconcerting to me. It just requires some patience trying to explain to him why those ideas are wrong.

Thanks again Phoenix!!

[Phoenix]

Hi Casey.

Well - like I said before - your choice, and also your consequences. If you're comfortable with that, then it's your call. People can, as you know, pretend to be anyone/anything on line.

Phoenix

[Casey Kieran]

Update: I gave him an ultimatum... I told him he needs to have somebody close to him (a family member or friend who he trusts and would feel comfortable knowing about the issue) contact me. I explained that, while I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt that he is 'for real', there's plenty of people on the net who just want to play games and if that's what this is, then he should know that it's not fun for me. I explained that I could help the person understand the problem and they could speak up for him on his behalf, accompany him to see a doctor, etc. I told him that if he can't or won't do this then there is nothing more I can do for him. He backed down on that so I wished him luck and this is, I expect, the end of it. It is kind of sad because I have a strong hunch that he was sincere. He only wanted to come live with me in order to "start a new life somewhere else". Anyway, I did what I could and I hope he will find the help he needs.

[Phoenix]

sounds smart to me Casey, and compassionate "just in case" (as you said).

have a good Sunday, Phoenix

[Casey Kieran]

Thanks Phoenix! Enjoy the rest of the weekend :')